The Case of the Faux Intellectual

When people get the first glimpse of my library, I can always hear my internal groan in great, painful clarity. ‘Oh my! Look at this!’ and I can tell by the gleam in their eyes and sometimes ecstatic comments that follow, they think of me as some sort of a formidable scholar, no amount of correcting changes their opinion. Truth is, I can hardly claim to have read some of those tomes of wisdom at all, most of them I’ve skimmed half-heartedly drawing to half-formed conclusions or hot-footed theories that I wouldn’t voice out loud if put in a spot. Sometimes, I skip reading many chapters altogether, selfishly reading only what I want for the time-being- I’ve always come away feeling guilty, like I’ve betrayed the author in some way.

Here, is where I tell you just why I’m the faux intellectual. Every ‘intellectual’ I’ve heard of can reel off wise quotations or verses or even theories with unassuming poise. Funny, I’ve always thought it as a mark of an intellectual, reeling off something or the other from memory but always spewing wisdom with certainty. (Does this signify the fact that I put too much into appearances and am altogether superficial or am I just reiterating what I and perhaps many others have been led to believe? )

But what I’ve come to conclude with or without this luminous fact is that I’m a fraud, a faux intellectual, trapped in the image that my library presents. The books that I’ve read and endeavour to read are supposed to be the fodder of the intellectuals-who, like I mentioned before, take this printed wisdom to their hearts, ingrain it in their minds and cleanse their souls. My only claim is to a vague grasp of these glittering pieces that are all too easily forgotten. I might’ve gasped on the momentous occasion of discovering the remarkable but unfailingly lose sight of application sooner than later. I know the implications of this are far greater and scarier than I can imagine especially since a Muslim shall be tested with greater severity if he/she was a scholar who failed to apply what was learnt. My case would have the stamp of ‘GUILTY’ all over it, even before I drew a breath to plead. Sigh*

This brings me to the question of what really is this ‘Intellect’ but the answer I shall save it for some other day in the light of the fact that I have only elusive wisps to secure and those I haven’t.

Peace,

Faux Intellectual