I’ve always shied away from putting myself in boxes. The only thing definite in my life is my faith, in all its ups and downs. I constantly surprise myself- no, I don’t have an alter ego. I like surprising myself. I could never back down from a challenge unless I know it’s contrary to my faith. I’m famously known as a fake-recluse, occasionally bursting out of my hermitage to talk unsuspecting people’s ears off and making them feel like it was an ambush at the end of it.
I’ve dabbled with a million things and still haven’t learnt enough about myself and increasingly, I’m beginning to enjoy this state of the undefined. Vain, vain, vain.
Recently, at a charity bazaar, there was a stall doing Hand-writing analysis for 50 Rs.
10 minutes with them, you’d be summed up and dismissed. I received no brilliant insights, just a few thoughts that I suspect have always vaguely flitted through my mind. 😀
According to one wispy-voiced aunty(the analyst in the stall), I’m rebellious, can dig my heels firmly and be stubborn if I want to, do not do well with authority, criticism may just be another fly on the wall for all I care, thwart my elders respectfully (huh?), I’m secretive, a dreamer and set goals above my reach and bless us all, a leader- Just all the things a girl lives to hear. I wonder what she left out? Oh yes! She did mention that I might be a wee bit self-conscious-which I am- and sometimes detest.
Inspite of my efforts to remain obscure, I have been thoroughly trussed up and boiled down to the above. I don’t have to admit to anything as true now, do I? 😉
If your faith “has its ups and downs,”‘ it would seem to me to be not very useful. Faith is a dead-end for happiness, truth and sanity.
I refer to faith here in the Islamic sense. The word ‘Islam’ means two very important things- Submission and peace. Submission is not only the recognition of the truth of One God but also what this submission entails- A recognition of what is right from wrong and following it up with action that stem from sincere intentions. My struggles come from the awareness of how easy it is to let go, how easy it is to overlook, how easy it is to be careless, how easy it is to be uncaring. Man is a social being after all, sometimes there are moments when I know exactly why we’ve dedicated reams on ‘Peer Influence’.
And in these moments, I’m also aware of my ability to discern two sides of an argument and the choice to be on either side.
In Islam, faith (eeman) has various levels. The highest level being the state of ‘Ihsan’, a state where one feels as if they’re ‘seeing’ God- the actions having such purity of purpose and consequences or a state where one is aware of being watched over and basking in the tranquility that flows within , nourishing the soul and cherishing it. This state of ‘Ihsan’ is what I aspire to be in- sometimes the world clouds my senses and this feeling of tranquility ebbs, I feel restless, adrift and yearn to achieve it again. This is my ‘down’ in faith, the demotion to a lower level of awareness.
Faith, Favela, is the beginning of happiness, truth and sanity and I couldn’t have put it any better 🙂 I pray that someday you’ll blessed with the joy of finding it.
Asalamulikum
I have made (By Allahs Aid) an islamic blog
could you please help me promote it, so it will bring about alot of gooddeeds for us both
and please could you tell me what i can do to improve it
jazakallah khiran